“The beast groaned and I screamed,
for it sounded like dozens of beasts.”
During most of my life, until about a year ago, I felt like a colourful Butterfly, immersed in darkness. Butterflies have short lifespans, and that resembled in some type of way, my ephemeral and rare moments of happiness. However, a year ago, I started to feel like a panther (black leopard). There was some type of new ferocious energy in my drive. I became more connected to other dimensions, especially after trying DMT for the first time. Something inside me told me constantly that I was as intense as a panther. Then, for a moment, I had flashbacks of dreams I was having with this animal, but I couldn’t remember them well.
Events caused me to disconnect from the black panther and reconnect with the butterfly in the past few months. Just as before, people even started giving me various gifts with butterflies in them. After a while, I remember having a conversation with a friend. “You need to go back to being the black panther”. That sentence made me think and realise I had disconnected from my current spirit totem. Still, more events happened and I became drowned in the butterfly’s despair. Around last week, something inside me told me that the black panther was back; yet, because I was smoking a lot of weed, I didn’t remember any of my dreams. All I had left were inner convictions that were not there the night before, when I went to sleep.
I looked around my house and noticed that everything was a mess and I knew right there, that this didn’t align with the panther. But, why was I thinking so much about this subject? Was I dreaming about it but my conscious mind didn’t remember? I stopped doing Mary J. a few days ago, and last night, before falling asleep, I set a mental intention to remember the important parts of whatever dream I had. It worked, for what I dreamt of was so powerful, that I have once again, woken up with an expanded perspective, understood convictions, and life-changing plans.
I heard the roar of a hungry, angry creature.
I sensed it approaching, yet I didn’t see it.
I was in a forest, perhaps a jungle.
It was night and it was dark under the moon.
Fear possessed me, as I tried to escape.
I sensed danger and it was intense.
The beast groaned and I screamed,
for it sounded like dozens of beasts.
I ran faster, and realised it was a dream.
It didn’t make sense, why was I in the jungle?
I closed my eyes and visualised my living room.
And there I was, in the cosy safety of home.
It roared again, its voice came from the toilet.
I ran to it and realised the window was open.
“It followed me”, I muttered in horror.
As fast as I could, I closed the bathroom door.
My mind saw the panther jump through the window,
then, it stopped at the door and with its paw,
it pushed the handle down, until the door opened.
And it did really open. The panther was standing there.
It looked at me, eye to eye. Silent and still.
I looked at it and recognised it, somehow.
Yet, I was still very scared. I sensed danger.
But the animal just stared. It connected.
Suddenly, it leaped forward, towards me.
I gasped and held my breath. It reached me.
It pushed me down as it hit my chest;
then, it licked my face, and rubbed his face on mine.
I sensed love coming from this creature.
I sensed love coming from me towards it.
I felt so unexpectedly happy to be in contact with it.
In a way, I knew I was it, and it was me.
I played with it for as long as I could.
It became my friend, and I took it with me everywhere.
Slowly, I lost my fear of this wild animal.
I learned to trust it and decided to embrace her.
She went from being it, to being she.
She was so beautiful, and she protected me.
She was so alive, I fell in love with her loudness.
She was I, and I was her. Woman and panther.
I woke up and wished she was in this reality.
I woke up, and realised I had some answers.
I woke up, reflecting back on what happened.
I woke up seeing life… through the eye of the panther.