When Kindness Kills The Angel
Angels have wings to put around people,
they cover them with feathers and love.
Angels are naive creatures, with a soft heart.
They can’t help caring a bit too much.
They give love because loving fulfills them,
expecting nothing in return, not even gratefulness.
They believe in people, until people…
kill them with their demons…
after seducing them with kindness.
Not everyone is kind because giving fulfills them. This is a sad reality that I have come to observe in people. In my opinion, there are three types of kind people. The first give because it makes them happy to share with their fellow humans or because they truly want to help someone. The second type give because they feel they have to or need the other person to owe them, and these are the ones whose help comes with a price. The third switch from one side to the other.
In my life, I have always been very wary of asking for help, because I have learned that when you accept help, some people build expectations about what you should do for them in return. Then, when you cannot be the person they want you to be, they get hurt and sometimes… they even try to hurt you.
But how to know if a person is being kind or manipulative? There are some warning signs. But first, let’s explore each type.
The Genuine Givers
These are the empaths. The ones who truly enjoy sharing. Who get a thrill out being of service to other humans. These are the ones who helped you, suddenly disappeared and never asked you for anything back. These could even be the ones you haven’t seen for ages, but who you know helped you at some point even though they really didn’t have to. These could be the stranger who smiled at you when you were frowning. Or the person who offered you a seat when you got on the bus. These are the ones who simply, have never asked for anything AFTER they’ve helped you.
The Emotional Bailiffs
These are the ones that made you feel like shit for not doing what they wanted you to do. The ones who helped you because they felt they HAD TO, not because they wanted to. Or the ones who reminded you of that time they helped you. The ones who hurt you when you couldn’t be there for whatever reason. The ones who collect payments, threaten to trespass your boundaries and those who do not respect your space, simply… because they think you OWE them. The emotional bailiffs, whether conscious or unconsciously, are covert manipulators.
The Yin Yang Shifters
These are the ones that due and depending on their emotions give or collect. These are the ones who might love you and actually care about you, but who also expect you to help them in the same way they help you. These are the needy. Unfortunately for these people, because every person is different, every one helps the rest in a unique way. These people often get disappointed because they are “giving more”, when in reality, sometimes it’s all a matter of personalities. They will help you, but the help comes with some type of resentment.
It is simple… Let’s try with a formula.
Do you want to give?
YES = give.
NO = don’t give.
Person 1 + NO + give = Unfulfillment.
(Person 1 + Unfulfillment) + (Person 2 + don’t give) = The Emotional Bailiffs.
So, what are the signs that someone is collecting payment?
- They guilt trip you for not helping them. How do you know if someone is guilt tripping you? Because you felt like shit after making contact with them.
- They ask you for something specific as they are voluntarily helping you, or soon after.
- When you don’t want their help, they make you feel bad for it as well.
- They don’t respect your boundaries/ space. And they make you feel extremely shitty for even needing it.
- They always turn anything you say into a situation where even though they haven’t said it, they make you feel as if they were victims and you were evil.
Do you care about that person?
Yes = Would you help them if they needed you?
Yes = If you could have been there, would you have been?
Yes = Do you feel like shit anyway?
Yes = Why?
Whenever help is not genuine, that person kills you with kindness and such personal relationships are destructive, can rob you of your faith in people and can make you scare to ever accept help again.
Genuine givers unleash angels,
while emotional bailiffs kill those angels
with the kindness of their demons.